The female body is linked to beauty and all the expectations that come with it. Throughout visual history, the male view has dominated the perception of female beauty. This subjective notion is usually linked to culture and upbringing; despite globalization, beauty standards differ from place to place. These preferences are also subject to trends. This is a collection of the women I’ve met—their histories, their struggles, their acceptance.
—What they had in common was a moment where they became suddenly aware of their bodies, when a grandmother or friend or sister pointed out a flaw they’d never seen. These anecdotes that we so often keep to ourselves are made visible and suddenly public for everyone to reflect upon.

“I have a complicated relationship with my hair. Ever since my late twenties and on I have been freer in doing what I want with it. Actually, I have curly hair and so I always struggled with dealing with it. I always wanted to be one of those people that could just go out and not care about it…but I always cared about it. Then I just started cutting it off and dying it weird colors, that gave a lot more freedom. My husband gave me the confidence for that. You shouldn’t seek validation from your partner but I think he helps in that he doesn’t care in what I do. In past relationships, my partner has cared too much about what I do with my hair, putting on too much make up…now I either have no make-up or I have a lot of make-up”.

“Everyone felt like they could just come up to me and say: “are you going to do this about your face or why don’t you try that” and I was like that’s none of your business, why are you commenting…stranger used to come up to me and say or strangers would look at me because it was a very bad adult acne”.

“I think for me one theme that is a constant in life, is my relationship with my breast, I think that the relation to this body part changed quite a lot over my life. When I was young I got boobs quite early and in the beginning, I was proud of it. Then it somehow turned into a really weird relationship... I suddenly wanted to hide them. I suddenly wanted to be skinny and bra-less and I had this completely different image of beauty that I pursued somehow. 
I just didn’t accept the way I looked and I wanted to look basically completely different. The new skinny beauty standard kicked in and that impacted so much how I felt and how I wanted to look like. 
I really didn’t like my body and I think that also it made me feel very insecure. Before this I was feeling very comfortable with my body and then there was this switch suddenly and I struggled with it a lot.”

“Growing up, my best friend was very pretty, at dances all the boys would want to dance with her, eventually there was always one who asked me because I was sitting next to her... 
—Two of my cousins where also beautiful girls, my mother used to say that I got lucky I didn’t have to live in the same town as they or else I would never get married.”

“As a teenager I was mocked a lot because of my skinny legs. Boys were laughing at me because puberty came a little late for me...I didn’t have big breast at sixteen. 
—So they were just joking but it really hurt and they felt free to make many comments. So I have all these memories from when I was a teenager and then it continued... 
—After I gave birth I became very skinny again...And all my family, felt really worried but still every time they saw me they commented on how skinny I am. 
—They think that it isn’t shaming because you are supposed to be skinny, that’s considered beautiful but it’s clear that they don’t think that I’m beautiful...They think I’m too skinny so it’s also body shaming.”

“When I was 16 one day we compared our weights with my friends. I was weighting like 62kg and it was normal for me. I didn’t recognize that it was a problem. 
But after comparing, I realized that I’m fat. 
I looked at me in that moment and saw that there was a lot of fat everywhere! 
—I started to be on diet, just eating three products. Maybe little nuts and fruits. 
—I lost 10kg in a year and it wasn’t enough for me. I looked at the mirror and saw that I had a lot of problems again. One day my mom said I have too fat legs for short skirts and shorts and need to be skinnier or wear long pants. So, it added another problem to how I viewed myself. 
—Now my boyfriend always tells me I’m beautiful and that it’s healthy to have fat and that I need it to give birth to healthy children. So now I eat with joy! ”

“I think that most of it is self-induced in a way. 
It’s through comparison with other girls who were either younger or older than me. I did ballet dancing for many years. I think like to me comparing myself to others started there. Maybe since I was nine. That’s sick! 
—When I was smaller I was much more confident about myself than I become. I can’t tell how that happens, if it comes from within you or from what other people are saying about. There are so many other things like body hair that comes culturally. You don’t even give a second thought about it. Like: “okay I have to take the hair of my legs” fine, that’s something that I’m not bothered about. For me to have body hair and to have pubic hair it’s just how it is…I never really thought it wouldn’t be like that .”

“Losing all my hair due to the cancer was hard...I had to get used to the wig. Now I only wear it when I am around other people. 
I am very self-conscious I always have been. 
—I used to have these very slim and nice legs, now I don’t like them so much anymore. Accepting my aging body is one of the struggles of getting older. You just don’t look the same anymore and that’s so hard.”

“When I had my first child I was nineteen it all went well, I was in my jeans the next week and I was healthy. Then I got pregnant again at 27 and in the last 3 months I blew out from 100 pounds to close to 200 pounds. 
—In 3 months, my body just gave the fuck up. The pregnancy shattered my abdominal muscles. From being a totally healthy, sexy, capable still a bit confused sassy mother of one, to a wreak of a woman, mother of two. 
—Yeah, that’s my body. 
—I can’t handle how people look at me and say your pretty but you’re a little fat you know you should take care of that. I don’t have a problem with being fat. When I was thin every little gram made me worried, being fat that’s fine. But being incapable inflexible and the pain that I generate just by doing normal things that’s what bothers me. But nobody can do anything about it except me.”

The Magenta Foundation gratefully acknowledges the support of TD Bank Group for their ongoing commitment to Flash Forward and to emerging artists.

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